The Pros and Cons of Tough Love

by GW Lehtinen

Pros:

• Tough love teaches accountability. It makes a person or persons face the consequences of their choices rather than hiding from reality.
• It builds resilience. Facing the fire of obstacles and adversity can help someone build a stronger sense of self and maturity.

Cons:

• Tough love can damage relationships. Ultimatums, or not being supportive, can create distrust between people.
• When it is not applied correctly, the “tough” overshadows the “love” and can unfortunately be seen as bullying, or even verbal abuse.

My personal experience has seen both good and bad during my youth. Like a lot of people, I learned through literal pain and a lot of embarrassing moments. In some periods of my childhood, though words were very effective, no matter the tone or volume. I would get the message, but at times, family or people outside of the household kept on me, and it just wasn’t helpful to my growth. I experienced a lack of confidence that hurt my chances of success. The voices of certain people echoed in my mind when I failed. Some moments I remember clearly are when I literally froze, and nothing got accomplished. I became numb and even stopped engaging in any form of communication.

As I entered adulthood, things turned around for the better. I realized that I needed a change of mindset. I reflected on those harsh words and comments of the past and EMBRACED them! Suddenly, I saw that those people were actually trying to be helpful, not abusive. Only through maturity and thoughtfulness did I realize that how one delivers a message is so critical to a young person’s growth.